The promise of marriage for most, insincerity, is forever. However, alarming numbers of couples are taking deep and rapid strides towards divorce. Too easily, divorce is being seen as a solution to fix the things that challenge the commitment of any marriage. According to the book, Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships, between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce.
The investing in commitment to the relationship can be challenging. Especially during the times with it feels like love is lacking, intimacy is gone, and you do not even know what it means to communicate anymore with the one you promised to love forever. In the face of such challenges, it is even more important that couples reevaluate their commitment to each other, to the relationship, and to the marriage. Failure to do so will only lead to more problems like those that are plaguing the nature and existence of many married couples – loneliness, discord, resentment, neglect, abandonment, abuse, infidelity, and divorce.
It is easy not to take responsibility, find fault in others, and find causes for failure everywhere except within the common denominator called – self. Which sometimes might be true, maybe you did not contribute to what might be wrong. Maybe your partner is absolutely wrong. However, the road to recovery and maturity is not by playing the blame game. Getting to the right road comes with taking responsibility and having the willingness to work through.
These simple steps will help guide you through the process of maintaining your marriage and with faith, forgiveness, courage, and love – will keep your marriage out of the danger zones.
Take time to observe and reflect on your own thoughts and feelings. Approach the issues you face as logically as possible instead of emotionally. As powerful as emotions are, they often times lead to bad decisions especially in the heat of challenges and hurt.
Clarify the challenge. Know exactly what the situation is that you face. Not the emotions you feel. Identify the things that contributed to the challenges. Know, not wonder, what the causes are. Think about possible solutions. Make a decision to take action towards the solutions. Understand there will also be a process of time; cities are not built in a day and neither is marriage.
Take an account of the things that you can do to make the situation better and do something about it. Perhaps, changes like taking time to listen, ask questions and understand. Each of these essential elements can lead to the process of forgiveness, the elimination of judgment, and the restoration of love; which in the end is the embodiment of change. This process no way negates the things that you may need, wan, and desire in your relationship. But these are the catalysts that will help you see, understand, and better communicate with your spouse the things that you want, do not want, and desire. Importantly, you also show your spouse what you are willing to do and invest in the relationship.
Avoid negative language with all your strength. This includes negative speech, negative body language, and negative thoughts. The focus, strength, and will it take to win do not live within the body of negative or harassing words, acts, or thoughts of failure and gloom. None of these actions attract positivity, success, happiness, fulfillment, contentment, satisfaction, hope or love. There comes a time in life when we have to put away the childish things.
Expect change. Be in agreement with your spouse show each other that you are committed to him or her, you are committed to the relationship, and to the success of your marriage. Agree on the things that each of you can and will do to produce change and commit to being better.
Have a plan and work your plan and success will be the pathway. Just as you expect to see changed, commit also to the changes you see. Everyone is accountable to the process and from time to time you may even need to remind each other, gently of course, about the agreement and commitment to the process. Celebrate the milestones and continue to love, support, and romance each other – peace will find its way.